In a previous youtube video, we discussed 6 signs of the anxious-avoidant trap, which is a circumstance that demonstrates itself on one of two conditions: First one partner always feels as if they are chasing down the other, who seems to need to keep a certain amount of physical and emotional distance between them.
In the second condition, one chases until the other turns around and starts to reciprocate, then, suddenly, the chaser freaks out, starts to doubt everything, and becomes the runner, instead.
These types of relationships evolve into a push-pull, roller coaster pattern that creates an addictive cycle of what Helen Fischer calls “frustration attraction,” which is when our brain’s reward centers are lit up when we receive intermittent and unpredictable reinforcement; like sporadic attention from an unpredictable lover.
Now, the point I really want to make today, is that you don’t need to have experienced significant trauma, or attachment disruptions in your past, to slip into experiencing anxiety or avoidance as a go to coping skill for stress in a romantic situation. There are some folks whom we might qualify as generally secure, who will lean in one direction or the other when under stress in a relationship---just perhaps not to a degree where it leads to significant dysfunction in their lives and relationships.
To help you understand what this might look like. I wanted to offer a basic example, so that you might be able to spot the trap before you fall into it.
To learn more, checkout the video!
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